"If this isn't love" Part III

Reprogramming is hard work. I had to do a lot of it over the next year of our relationship. It meant taking all of the information that I had collected over my mature years, and tossing it out the window. All of the things I learned from my previous relationships had to go. This is not to say that I didn't learn vital lessons in my past relationships. It just meant that I didn't learn the right ones.

I thought I was a woman that just knew what she wanted. But after being called "selfish" and "ungrateful" so many times, I began to realize that I was a woman that knew what she wanted, but didn't care about how she got it or what it took for him to get it. I was spoiled. Rotten. It was ugly. I remember our 1st Valentine's Day together. He asked me what I wanted, so I told him that I wanted a diamond cross pendant necklace. And you know what? I expected to get my diamond cross pendant necklace. Valentine's Day came, and out came a little white box. I opened the box with great anticipation....already planning the shirt that I was going to wear with it to show it off. I slipped off the lid...paused...and put on that fake "awww, babe...thank you" face. In this white box, was a diamond cross pendant. A tiny (compared to my expectations) diamond cross pendant...with NO NECKLACE!!! I tried to hide it, but I was pissed!!! For the past month, I had been envisioning myself pulling the necklace out of the box...teeth gleaming...teary eyed....asking my boo to carefully place it around my neck. But it was a pendant...and a pendant ONLY! What was I supposed to do with this??? Put it in my pocket??? This was NOT what I asked for!!!

I learned that day that I wasn't very good at hiding my emotions. At any point in time, he could read me like a tarot card, but that day, my face was dripping with disdain. I was so disappointed. I wanted to cry. "Where's the necklace?" I finally asked. I couldn't even tell you what his response was...I don't even know if I heard it. And if I did, it wouldn't have mattered...I was already upset. Skip to the end of the day, and I had a necklace to put my new pendant on. But you know what? I still had my lip stuck out. Why, you ask? Cuz the whole effect was ruined! I was expecting perfection! It was our first Valentine's Day! It should've happend the same way it goes in the movies! I should've felt like a queen that day!

Mr. Marcus tried to be understanding. But Mr. Marcus started to remember how many stores he had to go to find that necklace. To venture out on a rigorous search and only come up with a pendant. To bring that pendant back to your ever-expecting, spoiled brat of a girlfriend. So I bet you can guess what happened next...

Yeah...I was all kinds of "selfish" and "ungrateful"!!! Especially, after he pointed out that I didn't get him a thing!

Yeah, I know. All of that makes me sound like a complete, self-absorbed narcissist. But it's easy to accept your selfishness when it's spelled out so clearly, like in the above situation. However, do you ever stop and think about the everyday situations? Do you appreciate the fact that haven't paid for a meal since he's been around. Are you grateful for having someone that saves their quarters to take your car to the car wash for you? Have you told him "Thank You" for intently listening to you vent about how your boss actually expects you to do work everyday? You see, it's the little things. And I've learned that one of the greatest things you can show your man is a little appreciation.

It only took me about 6 months, but I finally started to pick up this little tip. I began to show my endless appreciation every opportunity I could. And I have to tell you...you have no idea how that small effort on my part changed the dynamics of our relationship for the better. That little bit of fertilizer gave us just what we needed to grow our little relationship into a perfect partnership.

see my favorite necklace!

Come back tomorrow for Part IV! It's about to get juicy!!!

"If this isn't love..." Part II

Life was great! Couldn't get no greata! I had a boo...my very own boo...and I loved every minute of it.

We spent a lot of time together. I mean, every minute that we weren't in class, or he wasn't off with the football team, or I wasn't in an exec board meeting...we were together. And we loved it. That time was the soil in which we planted the seeds of our adoration for one another. In our minds, we were Will & Jada, Barack & Michelle, Peaches & Herb (LOL). Never had a man made me feel the way I did. But, don't get it twisted...let's dig a little deeper...

Recall that arrogant & brash man from the last post? Well, he was still around while we were playing how-does-your-garden-grow. Now, I sometimes consider myself to be a more than decent-looking young woman...tall, thin (but not need-a-sandwich thin), with an endearing face and smile. And back then, I have to admit...I had it going on! I was in college...and set up to graduate EARLY! I didn't have a "reputation" that preceded me. I maintained a certain level of class at all times. I was sweet and considerate. I was funny (most of the time without trying). I was domesticated. And I had all of my teeth!!! What more could a man ask for?!?!?!? Not much is all I can say.

Well, the boo didn't have any problems seeing all of my special qualities...he just never let ME know that he could see them!!! Can you believe that this man told me, "I don't put people on pedestals, just because they're pretty." Yes, read it again! He actually told me this after not even a week of knowing me! Ikr! My thoughts exactly! Well after getting over the shock of his statement, I could only think to myself, "I don't know what I've gotten myself into, but I have to stick around and see where this is going."

I'll tell you where it took me: It was World War III anytime I used the phrase "you're SUPPOSED to____." I was called "selfish" & "ungrateful" so many times, I lost count. I got put out of his apartment at 2:00 am (along with my dirty clothes). And this was all within the first 6 months!!! I know, I know...I can hear you already: "GUUURRLLL..." But I have to say, every bit of it, I needed to hear.

You see, I suffered from a syndrome that I like to call, BUT I'M THE GIRL IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, SO I'M SUPPOSED TO GET MY WAY Syndrome. I was prime real estate and was just won by the highest bidder. He should've been grateful that I even gave him the time of day! I wasn't the first female to be diagnosed with the BITGITRSISTGMW syndrome (and won't be the last, since most of us are still suffering from it). But, little did I know, I had just stumbled across the best thing since PANTS WITH POCKETS, and he knew it! He called me on all of my BS. None of the manipulation tactics in the female handbook worked! He didn't fall for the batting eyelashes or sudden affection. He didn't even fall for the sad eyes or tears. He made me face the fire and own my short-comings. And this is no easy feat. It's hard looking at yourself in the "get-real" mirror. I had to make a decision, that if I wanted this beautiful relationship to grow, then it was time to use some new fertilizer.

Come back for PART III tomorrow! It gets even better! I promise!

"If this isn't love, tell me what it is" Part I

That's the song that I think of when I think of my long time relationship (going on 4 1/2 years now) with the man of my dreams and the answer to my prayers. I could be dreaming or just plain crazy...but at this point, I'm OK with mistaking grand delusion for undying love (just kidding : ). At one point, though, I did actually question which one of us was delusional.

You see, I met Mr. Marcus quite some time ago. Four years, 5 months, 3 days and approximately 7.5 hours ago, for you nosey people. It was actually right after his grandfather (with whom he was very close) passed away; and right before my grandmother (whom I adored) passed away. A major turning point in both of our lives. We were both fresh out of long term relationships (2 & 3 years), in which we were both engaged to be married, where we each were the ones to call it off. I know...too much of a coincidence. But with such similar backgrounds, you know that there had to be some split hairs somewhere.

We were such the unlikely couple: I was the cool, mild-mannered, tactful sweetheart; he was the arrogant, brash, and overly-sarcastic smart ass. We came from polar opposite backgrounds and up-bringings. Shared no obvious favorite pastimes. And prior to our first encounter, had probably not taken 3 seconds worth a look in each other's direction. I guess you can say that we had as much in common as a French poodle and a pit bull...the only commonality being the fact that we both walked upright.

However, after spending less than a collective 12 hours together over the course of 3 days, I wanted to have this man's babies!!!! All 10 of 'em! I promise, after a few long, um... "conversations"..., I knew that this was way more than just a battle of sexes. This had a feeling of promise, of greatness, and a few other feelings that I'll wait to post about until I get a better idea of who's reading my blog! Ha-Ha! ; )

He caught me off guard...and took me to places I never thought I'd ever see.

Be sure to come back for the continuation of this post...just like you, I'm off to watch the new season of "THE GAME!!!!" Are you just as excited as I am??? Doubt it!

Bring on the RANDOMNESS...

Have you ever felt like you were just alive? There's breathe in your lungs, all of your motor skills are functioning normally, and there's even the slight occurance of human interaction every now and then. But, there's an emptiness or a void that settles in your mind every now and then. It's not often (I'm not talking depression grade empty), but it's that feeling that there's supposed to be more. Not necessarily missing...just more. Do you know what I'm talking about now?

Well, I should start by saying, "I LOVE MY LIFE!" I'm in love. I have an amazing family. I have the most wonderful friends that anyone could pray for. I'm one of those college graduates that was more than lucky to find a job (or should I say, to have a job find me) that's even remotely related to their degree. And I have a God that choses to bless me daily with life and all of my gifts and talents. I assure you, it's all wonderful. And yet, here I am talking to you (whoever you are) about voids and emptiness. It's not that I'm lacking in any shape or form. It's just that I feel like there should be more.

I'm one of those people that sits back and watches others accomplish great things, and then wonder why nothing great ever happens to me. Yes, I'll call that confession #1. I see people live overly organized and adventure-filled lives, and wonder how do they do it. Well, after months of contemplating, weeks of procrastinating and days of questioning, I decided that I would start my own organized adventure. [que appropriate music for introduction of the world's greatest gift] Cohesive RanDoMneSs was born!

This blog is for me to share more than just pieces of me with you, but more like chucks of my existance and the people/places/things that my existance effects. or is it affects? (Insert confession #dos: I'm not a very good speller.) Things like being engaged...then not being engaged & calling off a wedding...then deciding to be friends...then getting back to together...then being contractually engaged (again. sort of). Also things like having a mother who's gone through three years and three diagnoses of breast cancer...having a two year old that you'd willing give your life for, but in the same instance pay the next stranger you see to take him off your hands...why I missed 30% of Grey's Anatomy because I was trying to watch the Real Housewives of Atlanta, My First Place, and Keeping up with the Kardashians all at the same time (it was time for confession #3: I'm a sucker for reality TV. actually any kind of TV)...turning your mosh pit of a living room into the destination of your dreams on a budget of $14.63 (no, not really, but somewhere around there)...and any other RanDoMneSs that I can think of that will fit cohesively into this blog that I've created.

So, WELCOME!!! And ENJOY!!! And try to keep up during my attempt to make the randomness that makes up my life pleasantly cohesive : )